Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Scrabble Tile Wine Charms

Hubby is out in the garage drilling holes in Scrabble tiles so I can make some Wine Charms for a party this weekend.  My father had a milestone birthday and my step mom's birthday is very close to his.  We are having a BBQ on Sunday to celebrate and I have printed the labels for the charms and will take everything to camp with me this week and put them all together to be ready for the weekend!

Here is a quick tutorial

So far the supplies I have needed are
-Computer and Printer
-Scrabble tiles
-little eye hooks
-Diamond Glaze
-Earring Hoops
-Beads of all shapes and sizes

I will take pictures as I go along and post then when I am done!!

I'm looking forward to playing in my beads this week!!

Ten on Tuesday

I saw this on another blog last week and though it might me fun to try!

Carole Knits is where I got the idea!

10 Ways to Lighten Your Mood

1.  Feel the sun on your face-nothing feels better!
2.  Listen to your favorite music
3.  Listen to children playing
4.  Look at old pictures
5.  Have a snooze
6.  Phone a friend
7.  Think happy thoughts
8.  Watch a happy movie
9.  Take a walk
10. Snuggle with someone special

My 10 on Tuesday in no particular order!

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

How does this affect my family?

I have to be very thankful that my husband understands that there are some days that I just can't function.  He has helped tremendously around the house.  He took over cooking and cleaning the kitchen, helping with the child(more than usual), helping to tidy the house and a whole list of others daily mundane chores that I just couldn't find the energy to do.  He let me sleep when I needed it, checked on my through the night when I was sleepless....He has truly been awesome through this and I'm not sure that I would have been quite so patient.

I haven't explained to my child that I suffer from depression.  I don't think she is quite old enough yet to understand what that means.  She has been angry with me because I have totally forgotten some of her weekly activities, she has yelled at me because I have fallen asleep when I said I would watch her and her friends in the pool, but mostly I think it has been harder on me because I just don't have the patience or the energy some days to do the things that she wants me to do.  She is an early riser and normally I would be able to get out of bed, get her some breakfast and help her onto some of her web pages to play and then I would be able to go and lay back down.  Some mornings I just couldn't get out of bed to do any of that and she would be angry with me. Now on the days that I just can't, she can get her own breakfast and her pages are bookmarked or she knows how to turn on the television and get her channels on.  Nice parenting on my part.....She has always been very independent but I think mommy should be a little more involved...which in turn brings me down because I think that I am not being the parent I should be.  It's a viscous circle.  We have done a lot together this summer.  I have to remind myself that she will only be little for a little while and I forced myself many times to drag my ass out of the house and take her places and do things with her.  Just because I am not well doesn't mean that she should suffer...right?

I am doing my best to put my depression aside for her.  Some days it has been impossible, but there have been other days that if not for her I might not have gotten out of bed at all.  I have tried to keep her routine in check and not to take any of my frustrations out around her.  I have to consider myself very fortunate that we have a great support system with friends and family and even our day care provider.  My husband has been amazing in helping me.  He has always been a very involved parent, but since I have been ill he has been more helpful in so many ways. 

I guess the only thing I can hope for is that one day when she is old enough she will understand what I am going through and will understand....

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

What is Depression?

I thought I would take some information from WebMed.com and give you an idea of how I was affected this time.  I have suffered from this since I was diagnosed in my early 20's and if I think back there were probably times in highschool too.

 From WebMD.Com 

Depression in Women

Here are the facts about depression in women. In the U.S. about 15 million people experience depression each year. The majority of them are women. Unfortunately, nearly two-thirds of those women do not get the help they need.
Depression in women is very common. In fact, women are twice as likely to develop clinical depression as men. And as many as one out of every four women is likely to experience an episode of major depression at some point in life.

What is depression?

Depression is a serious and pervasive mood disorder. It causes feelings of sadness, hopelessness, helplessness, and worthlessness. Depression can be mild to moderate with symptoms of apathy, little appetite, difficulty sleeping, low self-esteem, and low-grade fatigue. Or it can be major depression with symptoms of depressed mood most of the day, diminished interest in daily activities, weight loss or gain, insomnia or hypersomnia (oversleeping), fatigue, feelings of guilt almost daily, and recurring thoughts of death or suicide.

(The information from webmd is in blue and my responses are below in gray.)

What are the symptoms of depression in women?

Symptoms of depression in women include:
  • persistent sad, anxious, or "empty" mood
  • The anxiety was the worst.  I felt like throwing up most of the time and had a very hard time going out in public.  Going to the grocery store was even a chore and once there it was all I could do to get the groceries bought and get home away from people. I would even avoid anyone I knew so I didn't have to talk to them or even see them.  I would pick a different aisle and hope I didn't run into them.  When at home I could sit in bed with the TV on and not have a clue what was on or even what time it was...
  • loss of interest or pleasure in activities, including sex
  • I stopped knitting, the camera stayed in the bag I had no interest in doing anything and had to force myself to do everyday things like laundry and housework.  Thankfully Hubby stepped up to the plate and took over all the meals.  As for the loss of interest in sex.....
  • restlessness, irritability, or excessive crying
  • I didn't so a whole lot of  crying this time around.  Although anytime I heard "The Climb" by Miley Cyrus I broke into tears.  The first time this happened we were on our way to my grandfather's funeral and the song triggered something in me.  It still does and will a female child and her friends here all the time, that song gets heard every now and then. I am getting better now though! I wasn't so much restless and I was resting.  No energy at all.  The irritability was worse at work and if anyone at work called me on it I just sat and cried...
  • feelings of guilt, worthlessness, helplessness, hopelessness, pessimism
  • I had very few episodes of the above this time.  I think my child helped to keep me grounded.
  • sleeping too much or too little, early-morning awakening
  • I am the dictionary example of sleeping in.  I think the snooze button was invented just for me.  I will keep pushing that button until the last possible minute to avoid getting out of bed.  When I started getting up and hour or more before the alarm was set to go off and being ready to get out of bed I knew there had to be something wrong.  When I was the first one up every morning when I am usually the last one up, even hubby wondered was what going on.  I thrive on sleep and the more I can get the happier I am.  4 or 5 hours was treating me just fine....then I crashed and it was all I could do to get out of bed.  I would fight the alarm in the morning, go to work for 3 or 4 hours and then sleep the entire afternoon and be in bed and asleep by 10 again that night.  It was a crazy roller coaster..
  • appetite and/or weight loss or overeating and weight gain
  • I hadn't realized how much weight I lost until people started commenting.  I had dropped 20 pounds and had no idea.  It wasn't until it was brought to my attention that I then realized that all my pants were too big.  Now there are days when I eat normal, not at all or totally gorge myself.  My weight has fluctuated a few pounds here and there, but has remained steady.
  • decreased energy, fatigue, feeling "slowed down"
  • See above!
  • thoughts of death or suicide, or suicide attempts
  • Thankfully I haven't had any suicide thoughts since I was first diagnosed 20 some years ago.  That was a very scary time and something I don't ever want to have to deal with again.  I never attempted suicide, but had pills and blades stashed away and had notes written. Most people don't know that, but thanks to my mom and a good doctor I was diagnosed and started treatment.
  • difficulty concentrating, remembering, or making decisions
  • I missed appointments, forgot deadlines at work, forgot about weekly activities that my child had been doing faithfully for ages.  I would realize too late that it was supposed to be the night at the arena or what the theme for the week was...It was so hard to explain to my child that mommy forgot.  She was a little angry with me more than once.
  • persistent physical symptoms that do not respond to treatment, such as headaches, digestive disorders, and chronic pain
  • Hmmm...headaches were and still are a problem. Thankfully I don't suffer migraines anymore.  That was about the only problem I had in this area.

I think my next post will be how my family was and is affected by this...and how hard it is to hide it from a child.

Until then,

Monday, August 23, 2010

Pictures as Promised

I'm not sure where to start today.  My child is with her grandparents for the next 2 days...I suppose I can finish getting some housework done and look forward to an uninterrupted sleep in tomorrow morning.

I have gone through some of my photos from the weekend and have decided to share a few of them here.

Sunday, August 22, 2010

Where was I going with this?

When I started this blog, I was at the bottom of my depression. I am fortunate that I have been suffering this long enough that I was able to notice the triggers and I knew to seek some action before things got too out of hand. I have take a break from work and the summer seems to have flown by. I've been slowly getting back to being my old self. The hobbies that I had no energy for have slowly started to resurface. Back in April and May I had little ambition to do anything. I quit reading, knitting, making funky beaded things and the camera stayed in the case for what seemed like the longest time. Things are coming back to me...slowly.

I saw my Doctor in May and he prescribed Pristiq to go along with the Wellbutrin that I have been on for years. I started at a low dose and just recently had it doubled. I will see him again this week and hope that he is happy with the progress. I haven't had to use any Valium in ages. The anxiety attacks have subsided. My sleep is still a mess even with the use of sleeping pills. I either sleep like the dead or I am awake off and on all night. I tried going back to work for a few hours daily and it wiped me out. I couldn't function in the afternoon and even fell asleep in my yard while visiting with a friend of mine. I don't think going back to work will happen for a little while yet. I have tried to explain this to the people that I work with and they don't seem to understand the severity of what is going on with my body. I have been told to focus on the positive and I should go for a walk and shake it off. If only it was that easy.

I have begun reading again. Something that I enjoy! I had a Danielle Steel novel sitting on my dresser and I had no idea whether or not I had read it, so I read it anyways. It turned out to be a decent book although I have to say that I loved her earlier books so much better. Her writing has become predictable and there doesn't seem to be the detail that there used to be. I love her books and will still read them as soon as I can get my hands on them. I have recently discovered Lisa Jackson and am enjoying her books immensely. Three months ago I couldn't have cared less who published a new book let alone get excited about reading it. Now I am using the online library system reserving books and reading them in the 3 week loan period instead of leaving them on the nightstand and then paying late fines for something that I never even opened. I guess the bright side is that the money from the fines goes towards new books.

I haven't yet taken my knitting needles out and the beads have been sitting in their cases but I have been looking at patterns that make make the fall creep by a little faster. It also helps that there is a new little baby in our family that I can knit for. I am thinking about a funky green hat with decorations for Christmas for her. The other thing I have to get done is to get rid of some of my stash of wool. It has taken over a closet and I think that I will post some on eBay in the weeks coming just to get rid some of it. Once I get started on that I will post some of my Works in Progress...hence the name of the blog.

I hope to begin posting on a regular basis complete with photos, updates and links to anything I find interesting!

Until I post again...