Bullet Update

Had a great day!!!
-started at 730 taking pics of the fog on the lake
-went to a farmers market to get more produce for homemade christmas
-spent a relaxing afternoon working on some special gift which I will share after they are given
-free hotdogs and hamburgers for supper
-sat by the fire with a great friend
-sitting inside working on the above gifts listening to the rain falling on the roof
-perfect day!!

Will share the morning pictures later this week!

Pop, Pop, Pop

It's been a very long time since I have done any summer jam or fall canning.  Before parenthood I would spend forever making all kinds of jam, pickles and relish.  I even made jars of dilled garlic for the guys in the hunt camp.  They used to fight over the garlic in the jars of dills, so I used the same recipe and made the pickled garlic.  It has been a long time since I have done any of this and I LOVE the sound of the jars popping as they seal.  While on vacation this summer my aunt gave me a jar of green relish.  It's a recipe that my grandmother found in her house when she and my grandfather married.  I can remember being a kid and her making the relish, she teased me once that the leftover half jar of relish with no lid was the one I would have to hold all the way home.  I was more than ready to hold it for the 6 hour drive.  She of course was teasing and I got a mason jar with a lid to bring home!  After getting some from my aunt and then making tartar sauce with it for a fish fry I remembered how much I loved the taste of it and decided to make some.  I figured, why stop there.  I made Lady Eaton Relish and the Tomato Jam.
14 tomatoes with sugar, vinegar and some spices got me 2 jars of jam, so I think I'll have to get a few more baskets of tomatoes and some smaller jars.

While I was making this stuff today I had one of my bright ideas!  Homemade Christmas.  I have a little over 3 months and numerous gifts to make so I am thinking that everyone just might get something homemade this year.  I can knit, make jewelery, wine charms and preserves.  So seeing as how my blog is relatively new and very few people actually know who I am and that I am blogging I am thinking that I'll share the things that I am making as I go along, provide recipes, photos and patterns....

Wonder if I can do it!  A few years ago this blogger did it, Here is some of what she did one year...I think it's a great idea!! And if you know who I am....keep my secret..OK?

Green Tomato Relish, Lady Eaton Relish and Tomato Jam!

Golf Balls?

When things in your life seem almost too much to handle,
When 24 Hours in a day is not enough,
Remember the mayonnaise jar and 2 cups of coffee.

A professor stood before his philosophy class
And had some items in front of him.
When the class began, wordlessly,
He picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar
and proceeded to fill it with golf balls.

He then asked the students, if the jar was full.
They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured
them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly.
The pebbles rolled into the open Areas between the golf balls..

He then asked the students again if the jar was full  ~  They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar.
Of course, the sand filled up everything else..
He asked once more if the jar was full.. The students responded with a unanimous 'yes.'

The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the  entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty space
between the sand.  The students laughed.

'Now,' said the professor, as the laughter subsided,
'I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life.
The golf balls are the important things - family,
children, health, friends, and favorite passions –
Things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.

The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, house, and car.

The sand is everything else -- The small stuff.

'If you put the sand into the jar first,' He continued,
'there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls.
The same goes for life.

If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff,
You will never have room for the things that are important to you.

So...

Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness..
Play with your children.
Take time to get medical checkups.
Take your partner out to dinner.

There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal.

'Take care of the golf balls first --
The things that really matter.
Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.'

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee represented.

The professor smiled.
'I'm glad you asked'..

It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem,
there's always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend.'

Ten on Tuesday

10 Things to Do Before the End of Summer

Hmmm there are a bunch I'm sure!

1.  Visit the amusement park on last time, we are doing this in a few weeks to celebrate a birthday!
2.  Walk the shore of the lake and clean the garbage that has accumulated over the summer
3.  One last boat ride....
4.  Spend some time outside each day reading or gardening
5.  BBQ as often as you can, soon it will be too cold (we tend to bbq all year, but it's just not the same)
6.  Visit the Farmer's Markets, you never know what you'll find
7.  Get all the little yard chores done that were on the list in the spring
8.  Wash all the bedding and hang it on the line before it's too cold
9.  Get your yarn stash in order
10. Get the winter bird feeders ready and put the hummingbird feeders away until next year

Photos from the weekend!

It feels so great to want to take my camera out again.  I had planned on Thursday night to sit and work on the wine charms after my child had gone to bed, but it was a beautiful night and the campground was so quiet that I decided to take out my camera, tripod and shutter release cable and play around for a little while.  I thought I would play for about half an hour and by the time I headed into the trailer it was well passed 11!  Here are some of my faves..These were all shot with a Canon Xsi using no flash, just playing with exposure times.  The last shot is of the little Coleman Lantern I was using in different places to get the light I needed!

I also shoot with a Panasonic Point and Shoot camera that has a great macro feature.  One day I hope to be able to afford a macro lens for my Canon.  Here are some of the macro shots too!

Wine Charms..The Finished Product!

I started last week trying different fonts and sizes and printing out samples to match the size to the Scrabble Tiles.  Once I had decided on one that I liked I printed them on 2 different kinds of paper to see which I liked better.  Turns out I used some off of each one!

Under the Winery Name I wrote

Fine Wine

and 

Fond Memories

est 1984

After hubby drilled all the holes I used some small eye hooks and screwed them into the holes using some E6000

I then used some Microglaze to seal the printing and cut out each label for each tile.  Once they were all cut out I used some regular school glue sticks
to adhere each one to each tile.  I let these sit for a an hour or so and then sealed all of them using Judikins Diamond Glaze.

This was all left overnight to be sure the glue had adhered well and that the Glaze was set as well.

Friday morning I sat with my beads and findings all over the place and proceeded to make each one different and unique.  Here are the finished gifts that were loved by the recipients!

I had fun making them and I hope they will spend many hours around the stems of glasses so that more memories can be made!

Thankful Thursday

Today I am thankful for the 24 hours I spent with my mom and child at camp! It was a perfect day that I wish could happen more often!!

Scrabble Tile Wine Charms

Hubby is out in the garage drilling holes in Scrabble tiles so I can make some Wine Charms for a party this weekend.  My father had a milestone birthday and my step mom's birthday is very close to his.  We are having a BBQ on Sunday to celebrate and I have printed the labels for the charms and will take everything to camp with me this week and put them all together to be ready for the weekend!

Here is a quick tutorial

So far the supplies I have needed are
-Computer and Printer
-Scrabble tiles
-little eye hooks
-Microglaze
-Diamond Glaze
-Earring Hoops
-Beads of all shapes and sizes

I will take pictures as I go along and post then when I am done!!

I'm looking forward to playing in my beads this week!!

Ten on Tuesday

I saw this on another blog last week and though it might me fun to try!

Carole Knits is where I got the idea!

10 Ways to Lighten Your Mood

1.  Feel the sun on your face-nothing feels better!
2.  Listen to your favorite music
3.  Listen to children playing
4.  Look at old pictures
5.  Have a snooze
6.  Phone a friend
7.  Think happy thoughts
8.  Watch a happy movie
9.  Take a walk
10. Snuggle with someone special

My 10 on Tuesday in no particular order!

How does this affect my family?

I have to be very thankful that my husband understands that there are some days that I just can't function.  He has helped tremendously around the house.  He took over cooking and cleaning the kitchen, helping with the child(more than usual), helping to tidy the house and a whole list of others daily mundane chores that I just couldn't find the energy to do.  He let me sleep when I needed it, checked on my through the night when I was sleepless....He has truly been awesome through this and I'm not sure that I would have been quite so patient.

I haven't explained to my child that I suffer from depression.  I don't think she is quite old enough yet to understand what that means.  She has been angry with me because I have totally forgotten some of her weekly activities, she has yelled at me because I have fallen asleep when I said I would watch her and her friends in the pool, but mostly I think it has been harder on me because I just don't have the patience or the energy some days to do the things that she wants me to do.  She is an early riser and normally I would be able to get out of bed, get her some breakfast and help her onto some of her web pages to play and then I would be able to go and lay back down.  Some mornings I just couldn't get out of bed to do any of that and she would be angry with me. Now on the days that I just can't, she can get her own breakfast and her pages are bookmarked or she knows how to turn on the television and get her channels on.  Nice parenting on my part.....She has always been very independent but I think mommy should be a little more involved...which in turn brings me down because I think that I am not being the parent I should be.  It's a viscous circle.  We have done a lot together this summer.  I have to remind myself that she will only be little for a little while and I forced myself many times to drag my ass out of the house and take her places and do things with her.  Just because I am not well doesn't mean that she should suffer...right?

I am doing my best to put my depression aside for her.  Some days it has been impossible, but there have been other days that if not for her I might not have gotten out of bed at all.  I have tried to keep her routine in check and not to take any of my frustrations out around her.  I have to consider myself very fortunate that we have a great support system with friends and family and even our day care provider.  My husband has been amazing in helping me.  He has always been a very involved parent, but since I have been ill he has been more helpful in so many ways. 

I guess the only thing I can hope for is that one day when she is old enough she will understand what I am going through and will understand....

What is Depression?

I thought I would take some information from WebMed.com and give you an idea of how I was affected this time.  I have suffered from this since I was diagnosed in my early 20's and if I think back there were probably times in highschool too.

 From WebMD.Com 

Depression in Women

Here are the facts about depression in women. In the U.S. about 15 million people experience depression each year. The majority of them are women. Unfortunately, nearly two-thirds of those women do not get the help they need.

Depression in women is very common. In fact, women are twice as likely to develop clinical depression as men. And as many as one out of every four women is likely to experience an episode of major depression at some point in life.

What is depression?

Depression is a serious and pervasive mood disorder. It causes feelings of sadness, hopelessness, helplessness, and worthlessness. Depression can be mild to moderate with symptoms of apathy, little appetite, difficulty sleeping, low self-esteem, and low-grade fatigue. Or it can be major depression with symptoms of depressed mood most of the day, diminished interest in daily activities, weight loss or gain, insomnia or hypersomnia (oversleeping), fatigue, feelings of guilt almost daily, and recurring thoughts of death or suicide.

(The information from webmd is in blue and my responses are below in gray.)

What are the symptoms of depression in women?

Symptoms of depression in women include:

• persistent sad, anxious, or "empty" mood
• The anxiety was the worst.  I felt like throwing up most of the time and had a very hard time going out in public.  Going to the grocery store was even a chore and once there it was all I could do to get the groceries bought and get home away from people. I would even avoid anyone I knew so I didn't have to talk to them or even see them.  I would pick a different aisle and hope I didn't run into them.  When at home I could sit in bed with the TV on and not have a clue what was on or even what time it was...
  
• loss of interest or pleasure in activities, including sex
• I stopped knitting, the camera stayed in the bag I had no interest in doing anything and had to force myself to do everyday things like laundry and housework.  Thankfully Hubby stepped up to the plate and took over all the meals.  As for the loss of interest in sex.....
• restlessness, irritability, or excessive crying
• I didn't so a whole lot of  crying this time around.  Although anytime I heard "The Climb" by Miley Cyrus I broke into tears.  The first time this happened we were on our way to my grandfather's funeral and the song triggered something in me.  It still does and will a female child and her friends here all the time, that song gets heard every now and then. I am getting better now though! I wasn't so much restless and I was resting.  No energy at all.  The irritability was worse at work and if anyone at work called me on it I just sat and cried...
  
• feelings of guilt, worthlessness, helplessness, hopelessness, pessimism
• I had very few episodes of the above this time.  I think my child helped to keep me grounded.
  
• sleeping too much or too little, early-morning awakening
• I am the dictionary example of sleeping in.  I think the snooze button was invented just for me.  I will keep pushing that button until the last possible minute to avoid getting out of bed.  When I started getting up and hour or more before the alarm was set to go off and being ready to get out of bed I knew there had to be something wrong.  When I was the first one up every morning when I am usually the last one up, even hubby wondered was what going on.  I thrive on sleep and the more I can get the happier I am.  4 or 5 hours was treating me just fine....then I crashed and it was all I could do to get out of bed.  I would fight the alarm in the morning, go to work for 3 or 4 hours and then sleep the entire afternoon and be in bed and asleep by 10 again that night.  It was a crazy roller coaster..
  
• appetite and/or weight loss or overeating and weight gain
• I hadn't realized how much weight I lost until people started commenting.  I had dropped 20 pounds and had no idea.  It wasn't until it was brought to my attention that I then realized that all my pants were too big.  Now there are days when I eat normal, not at all or totally gorge myself.  My weight has fluctuated a few pounds here and there, but has remained steady.
  
• decreased energy, fatigue, feeling "slowed down"
• See above!
  
• thoughts of death or suicide, or suicide attempts
• Thankfully I haven't had any suicide thoughts since I was first diagnosed 20 some years ago.  That was a very scary time and something I don't ever want to have to deal with again.  I never attempted suicide, but had pills and blades stashed away and had notes written. Most people don't know that, but thanks to my mom and a good doctor I was diagnosed and started treatment.
  
• difficulty concentrating, remembering, or making decisions
• I missed appointments, forgot deadlines at work, forgot about weekly activities that my child had been doing faithfully for ages.  I would realize too late that it was supposed to be the night at the arena or what the theme for the week was...It was so hard to explain to my child that mommy forgot.  She was a little angry with me more than once.
• persistent physical symptoms that do not respond to treatment, such as headaches, digestive disorders, and chronic pain
• Hmmm...headaches were and still are a problem. Thankfully I don't suffer migraines anymore.  That was about the only problem I had in this area.
  

I think my next post will be how my family was and is affected by this...and how hard it is to hide it from a child.


Until then,
Annie

Pictures as Promised

I'm not sure where to start today.  My child is with her grandparents for the next 2 days...I suppose I can finish getting some housework done and look forward to an uninterrupted sleep in tomorrow morning.


I have gone through some of my photos from the weekend and have decided to share a few of them here.

Where was I going with this?

When I started this blog, I was at the bottom of my depression. I am fortunate that I have been suffering this long enough that I was able to notice the triggers and I knew to seek some action before things got too out of hand. I have take a break from work and the summer seems to have flown by. I've been slowly getting back to being my old self. The hobbies that I had no energy for have slowly started to resurface. Back in April and May I had little ambition to do anything. I quit reading, knitting, making funky beaded things and the camera stayed in the case for what seemed like the longest time. Things are coming back to me...slowly.

I saw my Doctor in May and he prescribed Pristiq to go along with the Wellbutrin that I have been on for years. I started at a low dose and just recently had it doubled. I will see him again this week and hope that he is happy with the progress. I haven't had to use any Valium in ages. The anxiety attacks have subsided. My sleep is still a mess even with the use of sleeping pills. I either sleep like the dead or I am awake off and on all night. I tried going back to work for a few hours daily and it wiped me out. I couldn't function in the afternoon and even fell asleep in my yard while visiting with a friend of mine. I don't think going back to work will happen for a little while yet. I have tried to explain this to the people that I work with and they don't seem to understand the severity of what is going on with my body. I have been told to focus on the positive and I should go for a walk and shake it off. If only it was that easy.

I have begun reading again. Something that I enjoy! I had a Danielle Steel novel sitting on my dresser and I had no idea whether or not I had read it, so I read it anyways. It turned out to be a decent book although I have to say that I loved her earlier books so much better. Her writing has become predictable and there doesn't seem to be the detail that there used to be. I love her books and will still read them as soon as I can get my hands on them. I have recently discovered Lisa Jackson and am enjoying her books immensely. Three months ago I couldn't have cared less who published a new book let alone get excited about reading it. Now I am using the online library system reserving books and reading them in the 3 week loan period instead of leaving them on the nightstand and then paying late fines for something that I never even opened. I guess the bright side is that the money from the fines goes towards new books.

I haven't yet taken my knitting needles out and the beads have been sitting in their cases but I have been looking at patterns that make make the fall creep by a little faster. It also helps that there is a new little baby in our family that I can knit for. I am thinking about a funky green hat with decorations for Christmas for her. The other thing I have to get done is to get rid of some of my stash of wool. It has taken over a closet and I think that I will post some on eBay in the weeks coming just to get rid some of it. Once I get started on that I will post some of my Works in Progress...hence the name of the blog.

I hope to begin posting on a regular basis complete with photos, updates and links to anything I find interesting!

Until I post again...
Annie

It's Saturday!

So far the weekend has gone fairly smooth. We went out last night for dinner. I managed to make it through dinner and some shopping before the anxiety started. I sometimes wish that I would have full blown panic attacks instead of what I go through. I can't have anything near my neck. Anything touching it makes me want to throw up, breathing wants to make me throw up, talking makes me want to throw up...come to think of it, it all makes me want to throw up! My chest gets tight, my head aches, my legs get numb. One sleeping pill last night and all was well this morning.

I got to have a sleep in morning! My child was at a sleepover and Mr Hardworker was up and gone about 8:30. I crawled back into bed and watched some great re-runs of Will and Grace and then finally got up and up and mobile around 10. I was able to organize my little office space and got playing in all my beads and findings. They are all ready to be made into pretty things the next time the mood strikes me. I am waiting for a parcel to arrive from a seller on Etsy so I can work on the next few ideas that are floating around in my head. Next on my list is go through my stash of yarn and try and unload some of it. I have far too much and will never use it all. Time to pass it along to someone else!

I even went so far as to take some pictures today. The cat was mesmerized by the weather outside and I took a few of the child outside today too. It was awful and cold, but kids just don't feel it. They see snow and get excited!!

Here's to hoping for a smooth day again tomorrow!!

Welcome

Welcome to my Blog!

I hope to keep track of my day to day achievements, the ups and downs of living with depression. I also want to showcase some of my talents. I like to knit, play with beads and read. As a family we enjoy camping, fishing and the outdoors.

I am mom to one little girl who keeps me grounded, husband to to a very hard working man and daughter to divorced parents who have both remarried.

Depression for our family seems to be a normality. My grandfather, mother and one of my siblings all suffer from it. I am in the midst of a huge melt down and fear how far down I will get. It's an uphill battle everyday...one I fight to climb....