Mother's Day Weekend

This is the weekend of handmade cards and gifts and we celebrate and delight in these gifts with our children and our mothers. 

For me Mother's Day is a weekend full of mixed emotions.  10 years ago you would have found me in my bed and I would have stayed there all weekend if not for my mom.  We used to have a traditional "Burn the Old" weekend at camp.  We would head down to the (old) trailer for the day and clean things up and get a huge fire roaring and just keep adding to it.  We were usually the only ones there.  That park didn't open until mid May so there was little chance of running into any other people and I could sulk and cry as much as I wanted.

Eight years ago all of that changed.  I no longer wanted to run and hide.  I was finally able to celebrate Mother's Day as a mom.

I still grieve for the children that might have been. I'm not sure that I will ever not feel this way.  I am more than thrilled to have my daughter, but it pains me when I know that a sibling for her won't happen.

I remember when I was married the first time and we had found out that I was pregnant for the second time.  I was spotting, but other than that all things seemed to be OK.  Although the Dr didn't see any cause for concern, I parked myself on the couch and thought that if I didn't do anything that all would be well.  I remember thinking about whether or not I was ready to become a parent.  I was only 24.  I asked my mom about it and she said she knew from the very beginning that she was ready to have me and be a mom.  It wasn't long after that I was in the hospital and lost my 2nd pregnancy in 6 months.  It was then that Mother's Day took a bad turn for me. Hubby(now) and I tried and failed our rounds of IVF's and motherhood didn't look like it was going to ever happen for me I had an even harder time.  I was so hopeful in May 2003 that I would become a mom that I didn't even think about how much I disliked Mother's Day.  In fact that same year I went out and bought a Father's Day card for the dad to be.  We found out on the Thursday before Father's Day that our 3rd and final round of IVF didn't work.

It was later that year that we found out that out dream to become parents was going to come true.  My first Mother's Day was beautiful, sunny and warm.  It was a perfect day.  This was the last time that Jo's birth mom saw her.  I called her that night to see if she was OK.  It had to be hard for her to see Jo and know that someone else was her mom.  She sounded fine and was happy to know that we were happy and all was well.  We found out not long after that she was pregnant yet again.  I felt like I had been kicked in the gut.  She knew that day that she was expecting again.  She has 5 children in total not including my child.  Life just doesn't seem fair at times.  She has five, I have one.  We have the means to support and give children what they need and she has never had a job. (sorry....just a little rant)

I am thankful to be a mom.  I am thankful that Jo's birth mom chose to give her to us and give us the chance that so many people take for granted.  There are days when I wonder to myself if I was crazy to have given up the "free" life and to be forever responsible for a child.  There are days that I can't imagine what life would be like without her.  I have learned so many things from her and it is amazing to see the world through another pair of eyes.  A pair of beautiful blue eyes!

It is a day of celebration, but keep in mind that not all people are happy that this day is upon us once again.
When you are enjoying your day with your children or your mom keep these women in mind:

• the woman who has no children to celebrate with
• the woman thinking about the child she gave up for adoption
• the woman who has just lost her mom
• the woman who has lost a child
• the woman who has a child that is missing
• the woman that has been separated from her children
• the woman who has a sick child
• the woman who has an ill mom
• the woman who has just suffered a pregnancy loss
• the woman who has chosen not to be a mom

I am forever indebted to the woman who gave me the opportunity to be called mom.   She will always have a place in my heart and I'm not sure that she will ever know the impact that her selfless act has had on me.  I hope she knows that we are doing our best and that last night Jo brought tears to my eyes.  There is a  little guy in her school that is at Sick Kid's Hospital right now and is not in very good health at all.  I gave a donation last night as we were leaving the school and without any prompting from anyone she opened her own purse and dropped $5.00 in the donation bucket for him and his family.  It was a proud mommy moment.

Almost 20 years ago I questioned whether or not I was ready to be a mom, when I see the generous and happy little girl that I am raising now  I can now look back and know that I probably wasn't ready.  I do know that I was very ready 8 years ago.

Happy Mother's Day!

May 2004-My First Mother's Day!

Wee bit of Wednesday

{one} when was the last time you used a pay phone (if ever)?Cancun April 2003
{two} did you ever fail a subject in school?Math...I still hate math
{three} where do you go to get your favorite hamburger/cheeseburger?We have a place here in town called Deluxe HamburgersDouble Bacon with Cheese Please
{four} have you ever served jury duty?No, but I have been called as a witness {five} how old were you when you moved out of your parents’ house?I was 18 when I moved out of my Dad's I was 21 when I moved out of my Mom's
{six} what is your favorite color to wear?Blue any shade
{seven} do you have a pair of shoes that you wear all the time?Sandals from April until October
{eight} do you enjoy talk radio?Not unless it's something really interesting
{nine} if you could turn one unhealthy food into a healthy one, what food would it be?Burgers and Fries
{ten} who is the best speaker you’ve ever heard in person? I don't think I've ever really gone and listened to anyone in particular unless  you count going to the Comedy Clubs!

An Answer to a question from last week

Last week when I did A Wee Bit of Wednesday Sarah from Sunlight After Rain posted a comment and asked
"Wow! That must have sucked that you got a rash - how did that happen?" about this  "{eight} have you ever been stung by a jelly fish?"  "No, but I did get a nasty rash from their little spawn. It was brutal."

Here is the story.

We went to Cancun Mexico in April of 2003 and had a wonderful week long vacation with my entire family.  On the last day we spent our last day on the beach.  We weren't flying out until late in the afternoon so we decided to make the best of it and relax on the beach for one last day.   It was getting warm sitting in the sun so into the ocean I went.  When I got out of the water I was itchy between my bathing suit and my skin.  I figured that I had some sand in my suit so I headed back into the water to rinse off.  It was just as bad when I got out of the water again.  I didn't think very much more about it, and although it was a little uncomfortable I managed.  We had already checked out of our rooms and about an hour before we were to leave for the airport I had a shower, got dressed and we all got ready to leave the resort.  I was still a little itchy, but still didn't think much of it.  I think we were home for about 2 or 3 days when my torso broke out into a rash like you have never seen before.  Everywhere my bathing suit touched my skin was almost raw.  I went to the pharmacy to get cream and they weren't sure what it was, I went to the clinic and they prescribed cream and then we discovered that I had Sea Lice.  It sounds a whole lot worse but here is some information:

Jellyfish Larvae

The jellyfish larvae look like a finely grounded spec of pepper. This makes it almost invisible to the human eye. And when the unsuspecting swimmer passes through this invisible swarm they often end up with a nasty rash with the most awkward spots on their bodies where the bathing suits cling to their bodies. These almost invisible larvae get trapped between the bathing suit and the skin. The bathing suit acts like a net which traps the jellyfish larvae and the friction between the two activates the larvae's stinging mechanism. They are called the nematocysts like those of the jellyfish. The reaction starts 4-24 hours after being exposed.


The Thimble Jellyfish larvae are also known as Sea Lice or the Sea Bather's Eruption. They are generally residents of the lower Atlantic coast of Florida especially in the hot summer months.


How you will identify that you have been stung is that when still in the water you may experience a slight tingling sensation on the areas covered by the bathing suit. And then a nasty rash develops which can last for up to several weeks which will be the reaction of your body to the toxic injected by the nematocysts. Some may even experience nausea or fever as a result.


What you need to do when the rash starts showing is to apply diluted vinegar or alcohol on the skin after a shower. This may help to neutralize the remaining toxin from the body or the nematocysts. Hydrocortisone lotion and antihistamines may also help. But prevention is always better than cure. Best is to avoid swimming in the lower southeast coast of Florida during the early summer months especially in May and June and you have to pay special attention to the signs on the lifeguard towers on the warnings of sea lice in the water. Do not ignore them and if you really need to go for a swim in water that may have Jellyfish larvae, then wear little clothes as possible. Swimming naked if that is an option is the best thing to do. You can also use a sunscreen or thick Vaseline to prevent the nematocysts from stinging.


It is also extremely important that you remove the bathing suit as quickly as possible if you happen to go for a swim in water with sea lice jellyfish in it. More stings will occur as the fabric dries and the skin starts to rub against it. And do not shower with the bathing suit on; the fresh water will only cause the nematocysts to sting even more. After removing your bathing suit, its best that you have a shower under forceful water that way you can rinse off any of the larvae that could be still clinging on to your skin. The best way to wash your bathing suit to make sure that there are no larvae there is to wash it with salt water. Or it should be washed in hot soapy water and dried in a hot dryer. The severity of the sting of the Jellyfish Larvae will all depend on the person's immune system.

Ten on Tuesday

The topic for Ten on Tuesday this week is 10 favorite birds!

1. Hummingbird-Love to watch them
2. Robin-spring is here
3. Cardinal-beautiful birds
4. Chickadee-friendly little things
5. Whip poor will-sing me to sleep
6. Crane-majestic looking birds
7. Woodpecker-crazy to listen to, pretty to look at
8. Loon-Beautiful to watch, but such a sad sounding bird
9. Swan-Just a beautiful bird
10. Owl-I just love Owls!

Wanna play along?  Sign up here! Carole always comes up with great ideas that really gets your mind thinking!!
Thanks to Carole Knits for getting this organized every week!

My First Craft Sale Was....

a success!  I sold some pieces of jewelry and had a lot of positive comments and maybe some custom work.  I think my set up was OK.  I need hubby to build me a post on which to hang my bags and I need so some other layouts to bring somethings up higher, but all in all I was pleased!!!!

Will I do it again??? You bet!

Depression and Parenting

How does one survive parenting when depression is an issue?
I don't think there are any easy answers, but here are some of the ways that I cope.

Here is some of my history leading up to parenting.

When hubby and I met I was 25.  I had to tell him that the chances of me ever getting pregnant was only with the help of IVF (In Vitro Fertilization).  This was something I felt the need to tell him before we got too far into our relationship.  I had been married previously and suffered 2 ectopic pregnancies (both pregnancies were stuck in my fallopian tubes) and my fertility was finished.  He wasn't bothered by that and the rest as they say is history.

Fast forward to 2001 and we are about to embark on our journey to finally becoming parents.  In that year we did IVF twice, both with negative results and then again in 2003 which was again negative.  No babies for us.  Throughout that time I had been on various antidepressants and thought that most of my depression was because of the all the failed attempts and the fact that I would never become a mom.  Late in 2003 we became the parents of Jo,  the light of our lives, through adoption.  My dream of becoming a mother had come true.  Foolishly I thought this would be then end of my depression.  After all, was this not the cause of my sad and tired days?

For the first 2 years or so, I was not on any meds and managed really well.  I still had up days, down days and tired days, but chalked most of that up to being a new mom and having a baby in the house.  Time went on and I was having a harder time coping with the day to day raising of a child and hubby and I decided that he would take over a few things like bath and bed time so that I could have some "me" time.  We started her in a home day care once a week at 16 months old so that I would have one day a week to me.  This all helped and then I returned to work when Jo was 2.  I was content being a working mom and cherished the days that I was off and able to spend them with her.

I wish I could remember when it was that I finally had to return to my medication and we tried a few until we found the right fit.  I did well on Wellbutrin and had been on it for years when things went really bad last year.   There were a series of events that set things off.  In 365 days I lost 4 high school friends.  3 of whom were old boyfriends, my grandfather lost his will and we watched him slide down hill until he passed away.  The people that I worked with showed no respect when he did die.  They were able to call and find out where things in my office were, but made no attempt to make a donation, send a card or anything.  There were other contributing factors as well, but at this time last year I was just about ready to check into the hospital because my depression has worsened.  It seemed to happen so quickly, but I think I was just trying to fight it for so long and when I look back, it was a slow slide down, just one I chose to ignore.

Over the last year I have had to come up with ways to control my moods where Jo is concerned.  It is not an easy thing at all. I don't want her to become an adult and have memories of mommy crying or sleeping all the time or mommy being a cranky bitch.

Parenting with depression isn't an easy thing to do at all.  Here are some of the things that have helped me

• Counting to 10.  I need to take the time to rationalize in my own mind if I am upset over the current situation because of the actual situation or if it's because of the depression.  The old adage about crying over spilled milk comes to mind often.  
• Asking for help.  I am fortunate that hubby understands and helps as much as he does, but I have had to force myself to ask for outside help.  When I went off work last year I explained the situation to our daycare provider and she was wonderful.  I asked to her call me if I hadn't picked Jo up on time.  I would often fall asleep and the next thing I knew hubby would be home and it was way past pick up time.
• Staying on my meds.  As much as I hate some of the side effects it is better for all of us for me to stay on the meds.
• As difficult as it is at times I try to keep a smile on my face and try not to be down when Jo is around
• I try to keep to a routine as best as I can.  It isn't fair for a second grader to have to get ready for school all on her own, so I drag myself out of bed in the mornings to help her get ready and I see her off to school and then I may come back and crawl right back into bed.
• When she is home I try to keep myself busy so that I don't end up falling asleep.
• I force myself to go places and do things that she wants to do.  Even when I have a difficult time even thinking about leaving the house I make myself take her to do things or activities that she wants to do.
• I have learned to pick my battles where so many things are concerned.  Is there really any point in arguing over what clothes to wear?  Again, counting to 10
• Telling people what is going on with me.  This includes her teachers and some of her friend's parents.  As difficult as it is to tell people, it really is a medical condition.  If you broke your arm and couldn't sign permission slips you would tell the people who needed to know.  I don't think this is any different.
• Keeping things simple.  Jo has heard me talk about depression, but we try to keep it in second grade terms for her.  She doesn't need to know how bad things are.  Right now all we have really told her is that mommy has depression and sometimes gets really tired.  I try not to cry in front of her.
• I have had to learn patience.  I would have to think that this is the norm for all parenting.  It has just become a priority for me.
• I also haven't overloaded her with sports and other activities.  I really dropped the ball last fall when it came time to register for swimming, skating that sort of thing.  It turned out better for all of us that I did because we are now attending tutoring sessions twice a week.  The more activities that she does means more running for me, the more running I do the worse I feel, the worse I feel the harder it is do keep focused.
• I also have learned the importance of a big calendar so I don't forget birthday parties, events at school etc.  Lack of concentration is one of my biggest challenges when my depression gets bad, so keeping details close at hand helps

When I read back over my list, most of it should be used on a daily basis for most moms as it is, but when suffering from depression whether it's mild or severe I think it's important for me to follow the list and keep adding to it!

Wish Me Luck

Tomorrow I will attempt my very first craft sale.  I'm nervous and excited all at the same time!!
Will post an update with pictures after I'm done!!!!

Wee bit of me Wednesday

 {one} have you ever been stuck in an elevator?Not that I recall ever!
{two} have you ever ridden on an elephant?Nope!!
{three} have you ever met a well known celebrity?I met Alanah Myles once!
{four} do you have any food allergies? nope.
{five} do you know how to sew?Yes! It's one of my new hobbies.
{six} did you get an allowance when you were young?YES! It was very little though.
{seven} how often do you fill up your gas tank?Once every week or two.
{eight} have you ever been stung by a jelly fish?No, but I did get a nasty rash from their little spawn. It was brutal.
{nine} have you ever been robbed?Our garage was broken into. None of my stuff was taken, just hubby's tools.
{ten} what is the worst haircut you’ve ever had? I was 5 or 6 and I moved my head while my mother was cutting it. Had a little bald spot!

Ten on Tuesday...On Wednesday

As usual I'm a day late and a dollar short!!

Here is Tuesday's Ten which is 10 ways to save at the Grocery Store

1. Make a list and stick to it
2. Stock up on sale items
3. Coupons.  
4. Shop early in the day.  In the morning the meat that is almost at it's best before date is sometimes marked down.  I save 30 to 50% on most of my meat
5. Watch the store flyers and plan your meals accordingly
6. Don't shop hungry
7. Buy the store brands.  Most times they are as good as the Brand Names
8. Buy in bulk when you can.  5lbs of carrots are usually cheaper than 2lbs
9. Don't take your husband or kids.  'Nuff said
10. Buy your fruit a little bit unripe.  It will last longer and you won 't waste as much!

Wanna play along?  Sign up here! Carole always comes up with great ideas that really gets your mind thinking!!
Thanks to Carole Knits for getting this organized every week!

The letter C

Is for Camp!!
We opened the trailer today and aside from some wash out under the patio all is well. I am happy today sitting by the fire, listening to the quiet....relax time.
I'll try to post some pictures if I can get a stronger signal!!!

I tried to upload pictures, but the signal just isn't strong enough.
So far today we
-picked pussy willows
-played in puddles
-saw Canada Geese
-built a fire
-climbed a mountain (really just a rocky hill)

More tomorrow!!!

I'm happiest at camp!!!!

Pillow Sham Purse

I've been crazy busy getting ready for my first ever craft sale at the beginning of May and have been totally ignoring blogging, reading blogs, facebook..etc

One day while thrift shopping for material I came across a pillow sham that I just loved.  I decided to grab it and paid $2.99 and then got 30% off of that and here is what I came up with.

Pillow Sham before the scissors

Starting to dismatle

In pieces

Outer and inner pieces

Inside zippered pocket

Snap Closure

All done!!

Ten on Tuesday

10 Things You Love About Your Family is today's topic for Ten on Tuesday

1. They are all mine!
2. Our dry sense of humor.  ie How are you feeling?  With my hands!
3. Support from all!  When my depression is bad I know that my mom and sister understand and support me and I do the same for them
4. My brother is an amazing chef.  I love when he comes over and cooks.  I tell him he is my favorite brother, he is actually my only brother.  See the Dry Humor!
5. Fun! Family gatherings are not complete without someone being laughed at, laughed with...who am I kidding??? Being laughed at!!!
6. Acceptance.  No matter what, who or why
7. We share with each other, most times without having to ask
8. The kids in my family are all different and each have a different personality, but they are all great kids!
9. The history we all share and the different ways we remember it
10. Love.  That is what my family is all about.  We may not say it, but it's shown in numerous ways.

Wanna play along?  Sign up here! Carole always comes up with great ideas that really gets your mind thinking!!
Thanks to Carole Knits for getting this organized every week!

Still Here!

I know I've been an absent blogger, but I'm still here.
I've been busy getting ready for my first Craft Show next weekend.....more to come on that later....hope to do 10 on Tuesday in the morning.

Ten on Tuesday

I didn't do Ten on Tuesday last week.  Let's see how I do this week with Ten Favorite One Hit Wonders!

There are probably a whole bunch more that I could list too!  It was fun to listen to some of my favorites this morning!!

Wanna play along?  Sign up here! Carole always comes up with great ideas that really gets your mind thinking!!
Thanks to Carole Knits for getting this organized every week!

Totally Ignored Blog

We've been busy and my depression is on it's way back up again I think.  Things have been crazy around here for the last couple of weeks.  Here's a quick rundown!

• Beautiful weather has finally come to Northern Ontario
• Our nephew has moved in with us
• Great friend of mine had surgery last week
• New bedroom furniture for Jo
• We are dog sitting for friends
• Cupboards that have been in storage have finally been installed
• Fridge and stove have new homes in the kitchen
• Along with a new Over the Range Microwave
• Oak Post have been installed for the railing so we don't tumble into the stairway

Here are a few pics...I can't find my point and shoot and I think some of the pictures are on that one :-(
Getting everything organized was no small feat.  Since our nephew moved in he has been sleeping in the toy room so we had to get her toys upstairs so she has her space to play and our Nephew has his own space as well.  He got her double bed and dresser and she got this fancy new single loft bed with the dressers underneath and plenty of room for the toys that we kept!

The New Bed

Some of what had to be sorted

More of what had to be sorted

Her room is finished

Wee bit of me Wednesday

{one} what was your first job?I worked the counter/cash/kitchen at a little restaurant/convenience store.  I made a whopping $2.65 an hour

{two} have you ever seen a stand up comedian?We have gone a few times.  No big names, but it always makes for a fun night

{three} when was the last time you played mini golf?Hmmm, would have to been last summer if not the summer before

{four} what was the last picture you took?

Jewelry that I made with the Coiling Gizmo

{five} burnt food: yes or no?Mostly no but I love burnt cheese

{six} if you have a pocket full of change, what do you do with it?

Hand it over to Jo

{seven} can you touch your tongue to your nose?Nope.

{eight} do you scrapbook?Another No

{nine} do you buy lottery tickets?Depends on how high the lotto is

{ten} do you prefer to be in front of the camera or behind it?Behind it always

Ten on Tuesday

Today's 10 on Tuesday is 10 reasons to be happy it's spring.

1. Longer days
2. No more heavy coats and boots
3. No more snow
4. Flowers are blooming
5. The neighborhood is alive again
6. Open windows and doors
7. Line dried bedding
8. Camping season is really soon
9. Easter holiday
10. No more cleaning off the car before you go anywhere

First blog post on my iPad......not sure if I like it

Ten on Tuesday

The topic for Ten on Tuesday is..........
 10 Favorite Kinds of Pie

1. Boston Cream Pie
2. My mom's Crustless Pumpkin Pie
3. Blueberry Pie..but it has to be fresh Northern Ontario Blueberries
4. Apple Pie
5. Lemon Meringue
6. Pumpkin Pie with fresh pumpkin not canned
7. Pecan Pie
8. Sugar Pie
9. Does Quiche count as pie?  I refer to it as Scrambled Egg Pie!
10. Tortiere.  It's Meat Pie made at Christmas.  

Wanna play along?  Sign up here! Carole always comes up with great ideas that really gets your mind thinking!!
Thanks to Carole Knits for getting this organized every week!

I think I'm back

It's been a long couple of weeks.  I haven't been doing much more than sleeping and getting a few things done.  I made a purse that I wasn't happy with, but my Mother in Law liked it so she took it home.  It was really inexpensive to make.  Thrift shopping rocks.  I got 30% off the ticket price!!

I have enough fabric to make another and it's actually cut out and sitting on my sewing table to make another one.  I learned how to make an inside zippered pocket thanks to a great tutorial.

I sat yesterday and watched the finals of the Tim Horton's Brier and made a bunch of earrings and a few other pieces too!

I'm still here

My depression has been brutal for the last few weeks...Here's a bullet post of things I've been doing!

• Watching the Tim Horton's Brier
• Sewing!  Pictures to follow soon
• Sleeping...one of the bad things about depression
• We've had weekend company so that has kept me busy
• My stove has been moved from one side of the kitchen to the other...that means the reno's have begun

There is more I'm sure, I'll update properly soon!! Until then here is something from my sister!

Read it, learn it, live it.

Life is an opportunity, benefit from it.

Life is beauty, admire it.

Life is bliss, taste it.

Life is a dream, realize it.

Life is a challenge, meet it.

Life is a duty, complete it.

Life is a game, play it.

Life is a promise, fulfill it.

Life is sorrow, overcome it.

Life is a song, sing it.

Life is a struggle, accept it.

Life is a tragedy, confront it.

Life is an adventure, dare it.

Life is luck, make it.

Life is too precious, do not destroy it.

Life is life, fight for it.