Bad Blogger, Cancer and Depression.......

My blog seems to have been ignored lately.  Between having Hubby and Jo home for 2 weeks and not having much "me" time, I just never got to it.

My depression was very up and down over the holidays.  One minute I was fine and the next was a near panic attack.  I have survived and was ready to take on 2011 when we got word that our friend's 18 year old son was in emergency surgery.

This kid is one tough cookie.  He plays hockey, lacrosse and all kinds of other sports too.  He was complaining about a sore back and went to the hospital on Sunday, had an Xray and the Doctor told him there was a spot he didn't like, but he couldn't read the films and there were no radiologists in the building and that he was to follow up with his family physician in a week to 10 days.  They gave him a shot of morphine and sent him on his way.  When they gave him the shot his feet started to tingle and because he had never had morphine before he thought it was from that.  He then went to spend the night with his grandmother who did her best to keep him comfortable and when he tried to get out of bed at 4am he fell and couldn't walk.  The ambulance was called, his parents were called and he was en route to the hospital.  They did an MRI and only got part way through it when they pulled him out and decided that emergency surgery was needed. 

By 11am when they took him to surgery he had no feeling from his chest down.  The Doctor went in and discovered a tumor that was between an orange and grapefruit in size that was pressing on his spine and was starting to take root in his spinal column.  Because the surgeon doesn't specialize in cancer (he's a neurosurgeon) he left the tumor and relieved the pressure on his spine, took a piece for a biopsy and closed him back up. 

He is now in the ICU and so far hasn't regained feeling from the waist down.  He did move one of his toes yesterday and is frustrated and very scared.  They are hoping for more mobility each day.  The biopsy results might be available today, if not if might be some time next week before they know what kind of cancer they are dealing with.  Then it will be decided if he will be treated here or in Toronto.

One of the hardest parts about all of this is that he is 18 which makes him legally an adult and all the information is given to him first and then to his parents.  If he was just a year younger his mom could be with him 24/7.  As it is now the visitation is only at certain hours during the day, 2 people at a time and is limited to immediate family and no visiting at all during the night.

I can't imagine what his parents are going through.  Hubby and B's father have been friends since they were kids.  We joke that they have been friends so long that B's father was taller than hubby when they started hanging out.  (Hubby is 6'2")  All we can do is offer our support and be there to help out whenever needed.


It's crap like this that bothers my depression.  It takes a hold of my thoughts and takes over.  My mind goes a mile a minute wondering about diagnosis, prognosis and long term effects.  I try so hard to be positive, but it's damn hard....

My project 365 has missed a few days and the last month my photos have been terrible anyways.  I'll still work on it and the days that I've missed I'll make up at the end I guess.  There is nobody keeping tabs except me.  I just don't have the desire or the ambition to take out the camera and try to be creative.  My focus is gone.  My sewing machine is sitting idle and I started to knit a pair of mittens and had to start over 3 times.

I think for today, I am going to go and have a nap and instead of baking a cake for hubby's birthday today, I will go over the grocery store and buy one.  Jo gave him his gifts this morning in bed so that part is done!

Please keep B and his family in your thoughts....he's got a long fight ahead of him..........